The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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