I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
