omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize