The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
