What a fucking waste of an outfit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
