she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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