I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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