it was like his penis was on wheels.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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