hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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