dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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