My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
