I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.