i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE