I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.