somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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