I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
