It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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