five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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