hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Even the bartender felt bad for me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
