so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i've created a new STD.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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