This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
