How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
