He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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