My girlfriend figured out who you are.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize