i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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