He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize