i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
