Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
