nut hugger
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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