this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
