He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my liver is dry heaving
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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