If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
