I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
