so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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