Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I didn't notice because vodka
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
