shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
