He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
