Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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