You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
