I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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