dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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