I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
