Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
