wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
