i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
