I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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