I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
