i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
