I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
