I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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