if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
