im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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