for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize