the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
