The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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