Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
