to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
