she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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