Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
