Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
