So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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