Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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