Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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