No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When did angry sex become our thing?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we should paint friendship bongs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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