I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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