so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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